I'm here. Where are you?

For the month of May I decided to study the book of Ruth. Not just Ruth but the entire book of Ruth. I wanted to grow deeper in my relationship with God. Reading different plans on the Bible App wasn't cutting it for me. I was all over the place. One Sunday at church my pastor mentioned he was studying Genesis. Eureka!!! I needed to choose a specific topic or book in the Bible to study. Otherwise I would be reading aimlessly. For weeks I was stuck on what to study until that particular Sunday. I realize in this situation I had to make myself available by choosing and let God work. There are times when I feel like I'm not in tune with God so I become fearful with my decisions. In moments like that I end up not doing anything. So I made the decision to read Ruth in faith and allow God to work.

Victim Mentality: Part 1

For a final paper for one of my classes I had to write about Ben Carson's theory on victim mentality. I felt so vulnerable writing this. I'll share this in parts because even though the semester is over this piece is still incomplete. Take a look...

I believe I have a victim mentality. While reading this paper a reader can see the presence of the victim mentality.

I'm just not as motivated as I used to be. I over think and become overwhelmed. I don't ask for help until it's too late. But when I express my issues I'm told to suck it up and stop making excuses. When I am motivated if I get rejected after so many times I give up. Rejection doesn't motivate me it puts more fear in me. It causes me to doubt myself. I can list numerous writing opportunities I passed because of fear. There are assignments I missed in class because of my fear of red markings. I had such high hopes for myself entering Florida A&M University. Now as I get ready to walk across the stage I am disappointed in myself. As much as it seems I have accomplished, I let fear dictate my life at FAMU.

Transparency Tuesday: Crushed

I've been told other young women can benefit from my story. There are times when I'm trying to figure out what is my story. I do know I have thoughts in my head. Keeping the baggage to myself isn't helping me or healthy. So I'll share my thoughts so I can free my mind and possibly help someone else.

Crushed is what I become when my mind wanders to the past. My past two boyfriends broke up with me. The next thing you know their girlfriends are pregnant and then they're married. Now the first of the two wasn't such a bad situation we both had moved on. It just stung a little. Like wow didn't we talk about marriage? But hey we were in high school so it's whatever lol. But that second one is what really crushed me. How easy was it for you to replace me and give her what I wanted? So I guess we didn't mean anything? Was I that sassy? Was I that bad? Was I super rude? Too caring? Intimidating? Ugly? Too dark? Too short? Like what was it?

Pulling Back to Push Forward

January 2, 2014 - My boyfriend for the past 2.5 years broke up with me.

January 6, 2014 - I started a new semester of school taking 15 credit hours in order to keep my scholarship. Within this semester I joined two new organizations and my work hours per week for my on campus job went from 10 to 20.

Summer 2014 - I was a Peer Counselor for incoming freshmen taking summer classes.

August 24, 2014 - My ex-boyfriend tells me he's beginning a new relationship. It's been like a love triangle since we broke up in January. I had been trying to "win him back" for months.

August 25, 2014 - Another 15 credit hour semester begins. This was my first season working with the football team. Might I add we had a game the first week of school. Of course practices start during the summer. Matter of fact within a week of finishing the summer counseling program I began working with the team. My campus job transferred me to another location and I began working the evening shift 10 hours a week after practices.

January 2, 2015 - I received a text about my ex being married. I had just found out after Christmas that his girlfriend was pregnant.